I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
When are your genitals available?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
