Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
