totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
