ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
