Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I intend to get homeless drunk
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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