i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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