Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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