I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I am one with the molecules
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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