i just wanna soil my oats bro
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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