I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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