OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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