i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
