I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
4 words: hood of his car
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
