Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
