Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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