i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
