So drunk its hurt
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
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