In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
