If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
