your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
