haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
