i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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