I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
