I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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