i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
