wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
