I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
