I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
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Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
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ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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