wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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