ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
