Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
