she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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