I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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