i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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