some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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