You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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