All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
