I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
