i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He felt like a one man threesome
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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