Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were destined to go to rehab together
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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