You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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