question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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