it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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