I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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