dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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