Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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