Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize