I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
