All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
