I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
she told me i tasted like america
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
