Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
