I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
