whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
