just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
FUCK WHALES
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