i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
