I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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