a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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