"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
