i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
