my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
