I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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