If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
