She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
