sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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