I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
