you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
