this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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