I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
