I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
this beer tastes like vomit already
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
