I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My cat gives me a boner
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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