I hate your face
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
pray to the hookup gods
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
