haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
