maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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