how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
