no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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