Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
