I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
