I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i out mim tonsoeep
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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