We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize