you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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