He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
