My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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