Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
