I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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